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Postpartum Depression Blogs

Amazing good stories out there, reminds me for the thousandth time the power of a good story. I wish I had read these stories earlier, when my friend was going through PPD and before I went into labor myself. I think I was trying too hard to only read and hear stories about easy childbirth and easy motherhood, so as not to "scare" myself. But in the end I went through a desperate labor, delivery, and 2 weeks of first-time-motherhood with no playbook and a sneaking suspicion that it would never get better. Everyone said the words I hated most: "It gets better," and every time I heard that I would hear a voice in my head say, "Only if you survive that long." But here I am on the other side of those promises, just like I made it to the other side of infertility treatments, and probably the only way I made it, like most of the women whose stories I read, is by asking for and sometimes demanding help. Yeah, I pretty much made people help me, except for those w…
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Baby Language

In the heavily Sanskrit-influenced Japanese alphabet the first letter is 「あ」A, and the last letter is「ん」N. There is an idiom, [阿吽の呼吸」, which means A-to-Z, or "From the beginning to the end," or baby's first cry to the last breath on his deathbed.
Baby R's first cry was about 4 months ago, and already he has a growing vocabulary:
Gyuu, U-kuuu, Urk, Aiya, Errr, etc.
Sometimes when I say, "Helloooo" slowly, he looks me deep in the eyes and says, "Ye-llow!" and I flatter myself to think that he is some kind of genius 4-month old.

These little baby sounds and involuntary noises are part of what I am now privileged to experience, a waking-dream I had only hoped for and almost given up even one year ago. But I digress...


I'm starting to try to run away again, but for the first time in my life it's not an option anymore. Using this blog again after almost a decade is my feeble attempt to document the progress I want to believe I've made since then. It may be delusional, but who's looking anyway?

My questions of the summer

Here are some questions I have personally or I have come across and have been unable to answer very well:

Why am I having such a hard time identifying new people who are open to fighting for real change?

Why is it so hard for me to plan ahead? Why does it feel like I'm just living day by day?

And some BIG questions:

- How do we know that what we are doing is fundamentally changing the system or is it just reform?
- How do I know if I am going in the right direction?
- Why is it every time I find myself doing things by myself; how can I change this concretely?

Dinner conversation

Had dinner tonight with a few people in Chinatown. A few things KB said made us kind of nod in recognition:

You're not organizing if at the end of it, you're burnt out.

If you don't have education, if you don't have a right hand, you can find people who do. They can fill that role. If you're too smart, it shuts everyone out.

There are two models: one is to "empower" people you think are stupid or incapable, play god. Give them "power." The other is to "unleash" people's true power. To organize the undocumented, women, un-educated. The ones everyone looks down on. Which is organizing?

Things to think about...

Small thoughts

Two unexpected weekends in a row...

Last weekend, we went to the beach when SF got an unexpected day off from work. It was nice to spend a day together, after a long stretch of only seeing each other for a few sleepy hours a day.

But where is my life going?

This weekend, many poorly laid plans fell through and I am home feeling a little relieved and a little empty.

I did some gardening, which gave me a sense of both accomplishment and dread. Accomplishment from the beautiful little globes hanging where flowers used to be, dread because I don't know what to do with the dirt once we move in December.

Weekend with my bro

My brother came to visit over the Memorial Day Weekend, and it was an action-packed weekend, now that I think back on it:

Lunch at Cha-An Tea House 230 E 9th St.

Shopping and browsing in Lower Manhattan.
No picture available :(

Coney Island,
where Y is being burried alive... slowly...

niku-jaga, ohitashi.

Protest at Kawa Sushi Restaurant

It was a blast though!